Candy Ann Kogler

I met Candy at a party during college, she was with her cousin Brian and Melissa. After that there was hardly a day when she wasn't at my apartment. I moved back home for the summer, and I will never forget the day I came home and my parents stopped me in the driveway to say Candy had called and I was moving back to Kalamazoo because she needed a roommate. I always start to laugh when I think about all the crazy things we did then and I will always cherish those memories. It used to be sooo cold in our apartment and Carol bought us a space heater, we turned that thing up so high and shut the door...little did we know we would pass out from all of the fumes! I think the most fun I ever had with her was when we took all the money we had (about 68.00) and took off on a little "road tour" with our friends that were in a band called Brutal Juice. It was definitely something I would never have done on my own, but she had this way of making it seem completely normal. I think I even ended up quitting my job and dropping a class because of it, but I would do it over in a heartbeat. I visited her once in Seattle and I wasn't surprised how easily she had made new friends and fit in so well. Candy always seemed wiser and stronger than I was and I have to believe she is in the best place ever, I am so happy that I was able to call her my friend and I will miss laughing over all of the memories we have shared together.

I first met Candy while I was dating her cousin Brian.  She was the crazy , outspoken one and frankly she scared me at first.  Then I realized what it was like to speak your mind, not hold back and tell it like it is.  Sometimes you need someone in your life to be staight up honest whether or not you like what they are saying.  But people like Candy make you see what you can become if you open your eyes to the whole world around you, not just the world you are used to.  I remember 1992 the summer after I graduated high school I moved to Kzoo and she was working at UPS.  She would come over every day and watch Young and the Restless with me.  When I spoke to her again years later she said she still watched it.  She always stuck up for me and I was never afraid when I was around her. I remember her sitting on our couch at Kzoo Ave and listening to Prince in cut off shorts, black tights and a green striped shirt, she had a tear in her eye. I also remember her ability to fall asleep anywhere.  Plunk, there she would go.  She was also the only one who could cook in that house and I remember her making us roast and potatoes.  She also put a Prince poster above her bed and sponge painted one wall of her room black.  Pissed off our landlord like crazy.  I have never met anyone else like her and I am sick that I missed seeing her seconds before she passed.  Candy, I love you and I hope you are with Brian taking care of one another.   

I have so many memories of Candy from College.  She was always the crazy, LOUD outspoken one that's for sure!  When we were together I always had fun, I was sometimes........scared but always felt safe.  There was nothing Candy couldn't handle (or get us out of).  I remebmer her car, "ole blue" as she referred to her! That old car didn't seem to have many miles left in it when I met her but she got us around every where we needed to go that's for sure. 

 

She had good friends that went to Kendall College and of course she introduced us all to them and did they ever have the BEST parties!!  She always seemed to have connections no matter where we went and that was great. 

 

She alwasy carried herself in a way so that you ALWAYS knew where Candy stood on most everything.  She was upfront and to the point and that's one of the things I loved about her. She was so strong during her ordeal, I only wish I was as strong as her.  She was one of kind and will be greatly missed by all those that knew and loved her. 

Reflections

 

If I had one word to describe Candy it would be Tenacious

definition: persistent in maintaining, adhering to, or seeking something valued or desired.

synonyms with strong

 

Candy was my best friend. We had a bond I had never had with another woman. We understood each other's idiosyncrasy , we could finish each other's sentences. People who met us for the first time usually thought we'd known each since our childhood because of how we complimented each other, but thinking about it now, meeting Candy was a blessing for me because it brought out parts of my personality that I had suppressed for a long time. Candy and I were both only children.. well not really, she has a brother and I have a sister, but we both would say because they were born after we were adults, it was the same thing. Candy and I acted like only children, but in our own ways. Candy had to have thing her way. The shower curtain closed after you take a shower (so mold would not collect on the shower curtain) and letting the kitchen sponge dry out and put in its proper place after use.  She many other "rules" and I got used to them and still perform them, almost as ritual. She trained me well. We were roommates on two different occasions, When we first moved to Berlin Germany and at the beginning of 2007 before her move to Phoenix Arizona. We both agreed that we were not compatiable as roommates, but for some reason, when we lived separately, she was a permanent fixture on my couch!

 

We first met in 1996 on the internet of all places. We both were on a Prince music fan site and Candy posted on the board that she was looking for fans in Seattle. I immediately responded. We chatted back and forth for a few days, maybe a week. Chatting about our love for Prince music, favorite songs etc. Eventually Candy said we must meet. I said, "Well I live on First Hill at 8th and James." she laughed, and said, "I live on 8th and Seneca." We were only a 5 minute walk away from each other. It was kismet. It was planned for us to meet by a higher power. Prince music was our passion but as our friendship grew our passion for life was revealed.

 

We both worked in Berlin Germany for a year and it was the biggest adventure of our lives. We traveled to Paris, Copenhagen, Amsterdam, Prague and a few other European cities. We were excellent travel partners. While Candy slept in every where we went (but Prague) I would get up early and explore our new surroundings, Candy would call me on my Handy (cell phone in German) when she ready to start our exploration. I was able to see many things through four pair of eyes first mine then Candy's. It was a unique and wonderful way to travel.

 

One time when Prince was on his Emancipation tour we decided we would be the ultimate fans and go to two shows, one in George, Washington and the next night in Portland Oregon. The two shows were 300 miles apart and after the first show I was having second thought on making the second one. But Candy said get in the car, I'm driving and we WILL be going to Portland. I did as she directed and I'm so happy I did. Those concerts were the first Prince concerts we shared together. There were a few more concerts after that, but the last time I saw Prince was in Las Vegas last year. Candy had started her Chemo treatment and I begged her to come to Vegas. I would do anything. I offered to pay for her ticket to the show, pay for her gas to get there, and I already had a room with 2 double beds... I just couldn't imagine seeing Prince without Candy singing in my ear, right by my side. She wasn't able to make it and I really felt lonely at the concert. I called her the whole time so she could hear the show, took photos with my cell phone and sent them to her, but it wasn't the same. It's wasn't a Prince concert without Candy. Candy later told me it was okay that we didn't experience everything Prince together. It made me sad, but now, I feel she was encouraging me to have fun without her.  I really never though this day would come. A day where I couldn't call Candy and get her abrasive brand of truth to put me back on track. In my grief I feel sad and bewilderment. But what I do know is that my life would have not been as rich as it is, if Candy wasn't my best friend.

 

I was talking to our friend Sarah a few days ago and we were discussing intimacy. I said that Candy and I had an intimate relationship and it was possible for platonic friend to have intimacy, maybe something even stronger than the tradition sense of how the word is used. We loved each other, we always had each other's back in any situation, but the most important part was our love and devotion to each other did not need to be spoken. It was evident in how we communicated, how other's saw us and we saw each other.

 

For many years, our friends would not say my name with Candy's name to follow. "What are you and Candy doing tonight?" "Do you and Candy want to come over for dinner?" Our friends treated us like an old married couple. Sometimes we bickered and talked like that couple. I started to feel I loosing my own identity. I voiced my concerns to Candy and she said. "Well it doesn't bother me at all." Looking back, it was a big compliment to be part of the team of Candy and Mo.

 

 Before Candy passed away I told her something that we both longed to hear from a man we loved, but I said it her with absolute certainty. "Love is too weak to define just what you mean to me" She softly said to me, "I've always felt the same way" These beautiful words is a lyric from one of our many favorite Prince songs, "Adore". And God DO I adore her.

 

One late night when we were living in Berlin, we were listening to Prince all night at my flat and one of us brought up the subject of what Prince songs you'd want played at your wedding. We both wrote down our songs and they were almost the same. Then we went further, what songs would want played while delivering a child, and envitabilty when you die. One of the songs on Candy's list is  "Sometimes it Snows in April" by Prince... of course. It was the song played at the end of "Under the Cherry Moon", yes, another Prince movie. She would always cry at the end of the movie, I usually laughed because I thought the ending seems so passe. I'm sure I'll cry when I see the movie again.

 

Candy and I were the "We", we were always looking for in a mate. It just so happens, our WE was a bit untraditional than we had planned. Candy will always be my "We" and I will carry her in my heart forever.